Finding Freedom in Illness by Peter Fernando

Author:Peter Fernando
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shambhala
Published: 2015-08-10T16:00:00+00:00

BEING PERFECTLY EXHAUSTED

Of course, sometimes when you realize you need to rest deeply, it is because you are actually exhausted. When the body is weak and our resources are limited, all the pushing, making, changing, and planning that can consume our daily lives can wipe us out very quickly. However, when we actually come to rest, there is often a subtle judging that is present—a feeling of failure, or a sense that “I’m exhausted again. It’s my fault. What have I done to cause this?”—and attention can then become preoccupied with trying to figure things out through the thinking mind. So even while we are entering consciously into the process of rest, something in us can be impeding the process by dividing itself off from what is actually happening. When I notice this in myself, I like to explore what it feels like to totally get with what is here. Sometimes using the verbal faculty in my mind’s eye can be a useful way of initiating a shift of being in this way. For example, one phrase that I have found useful is “I’m doing exhaustion perfectly right now. I’m perfectly exhausted.” Although these are just words, they can actually help to bring a smile to the heart and to precipitate the feeling sense of relaxing into the suchness of the moment without self-blame or subtly dividing ourselves from it. Of course I’m not really “doing” exhaustion—it is just the condition of the mind and body—but this kind of reframing of the very perception of what is happening can help bring balance and the sense of rightness back into the moment. It is perfectly what it is. In recognizing this, our being feels whole again. By using such words and phrases (which are always most potent if they arise spontaneously in relation to the present-moment experience), the heart remembers the possibility of being one with the experience of the body rather than split off in an abstract realm of commentary, criticism, or resistance. Often this unity with the exhaustion that is present can bring about a deep shift in the felt sense of the body, as we bring our attention to it in a soft, open, but clear way.

Try it now and see how it feels. If exhaustion and fatigue are here right now, feel what it is like to embody them perfectly. Use whatever words or phrases come to mind to help relax out of the inner critic or the conviction that things are going wrong. Instead, say “yes” to the experience of tiredness and use the softening that comes about to relax into a rested feeling of presence.

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